Tagged: Texting

Why Your Text Game Sucks

We’ve all seen this post, “I’m texting this girl, it’s going great, then she disappears, what happened? What do I do?”

For some reason this reminds me of 18th Century medicine. “I’ve been sick, and I started taking this medicine that made me feel a lot better, and then I kept taking it and now I’m more sick than before, what happened? What do I do?”

The problem is that you were taking soluble arsenic, which works as a stimulant and in very small doses can cause sick people to feel much better. The problem is that it’s arsenic and will kill you. What do you do? You don’t take the damn arsenic.

Same thing with text game. Your text game goes down hill not because you weren’t doing it well, but because it’s text game, and that’s just what text game does. It builds a quick spike of interest, but ultimately kills it.

Try to see text game from the girl’s perspective. A guy you met and kinda liked sends you a text message. It’s funny or interesting, and you’re excited to hear back from him, and you respond. Replies go back and forth, it’s all good, but at some point you’ve got to get on with your day. It’s becoming a chore to keep responding to every nagging message and that guy who you thought was cute now seems like he’s starved for attention. You know that if you reply he’s going to reply, and the whole thing will just keep going.

So as a girl what do you do? Odds are you just start ignoring his texts. Either you ignore them mid-conversation or you end the conversation but when he texts you again a few days later you ignore that because you know what a giant time sink texting with him will be.


The key to good text game is to see texting as just a logistical tool. It’s not for conversation, it’s not for trying to build attraction, it’s not for showing how smart and clever you are. It is there just to arrange face-to-face meetings.

Ideally you will only send one fluff message before you start arranging your next meeting. Set a hard limit at two, and don’t be afraid to skip the fluff and go straight for the meetup.

This is a tough lesson for many guys to learn because it takes them out of their comfort zone. They’re used to communicating through instant messaging, it’s how they socialized with their friends growing up, and it gives them the time and space to ask for advice from other guys. On the other hand, talking face-to-face with a girl is foreign, it’s hell on the nerves, and you might say something stupid and screw it up.

Too bad. Attraction is built in person, not on a little two inch screen. Trying to develop text game is not a substitute for developing genuine social skills.

But I Know Someone With Good Text Game!

Yeah? So do I. It happens. There are also tons of documented cases of people in the 1700s being treated with arsenic and fully recovering from their disease. That doesn’t mean it’s a good idea for you.

You can work on texting to round out your toolbox, but only after you’ve mastered the fundamentals. Have you conquered approach anxiety? Can you regularly get a set to hook? Isolate? Venue change and number close? Manage obstacles? Do you have a good rate of converting numbers into Day 2s?

If not, you’re not genuinely trying to perfect your game, you’re just trying to avoid doing the hard work of interacting in person. And I can sympathize with this. I’m a (semi)pro writer and my skill level with writing absolutely blows away my talking. They’re not even in the same league. It doesn’t matter how good my writing is though. It can be the rarest most highly refined stuff out there, but it’s just rare, highly refined …arsenic, and it will never perform as well as some generic mid-grade penicillin. It’s just not the right tool for the job, just like even the greatest text game will never be a substitute for the clumsiest experience opening sets.

The Great Time-to-Anxiety Converter

The last thing I want to say about this is that you need to beware text game because of its ability to wreck your life. I regularly see guys agonizing over what to text. They’ll spend hours trying to get those 140 characters just right, consulting with dozens of people and creating draft after draft. Presidential speech writers won’t spend that much time on a single line for the State of the Union.

The medium of texting is just far too conducive to converting your time into anxiety. In person you get about half a second to think, you say something, and if it’s not perfect you know what happens? Generally nothing. It’s never as bad as you think, and she’s busy worrying if you think what she’s saying is stupid. And if you did say something completely boneheaded? You get instant feedback instead of worrying about how she took it and asking all your internet friends how they think she took it, and should you send another text following up, how long do you wait, do you acknowledge the stupid thing you said, blah blah blah.

Just think about the more productive uses for your time.