10. Kino

Early and often is the rule.

Make physical contact very early in your interaction with a girl. The easiest way to do this is to make touching her part of your approach. Approach a bit from the side, and then touch her on her shoulder/upper back or on her upper arm to get her attention.

The Force Field of Physical Awkwardness

The first few moments of your interaction create a frame the controls how everything else will be interpreted. This is especially true with kino. By making physical contact very early on you establish that your interaction is one where that’s okay. You’re assuming familiarity with the girl, and if it feels natural and congruent, the girl will almost always accept that frame.

If you don’t make contact early on though, you establish a frame where touching is off limits. Over time there begins to be an invisible barrier between you that I call the Force Field of Physical Awkwardness.

I think most guys know exactly what this feels like. You’re having fun, she’s responsive, sending some IOIs, and you’re thinking it’s time to escalate, but as soon as your hand starts to move it’s like all eyes turn on it. The initial contact is like diving through a plate glass window. Not smooth at all.

Just to make things worse, if she is really in to you it’s awkward that you haven’t made contact. You want to touch her and she knows that you want to touch her, and she wants you to touch her, and you know that she wants to be touched, and because you both know all this it’s super awkward that it isn’t happening. But then when it does happen, shit — that’s awkward too. It’s a Lose-Lose.

That’s why you have to make contact early and often. Nip it in the bud and never let that force field come up.

How the heck do you do this?

Many guys complain that they just don’t know how to kino, and that it’s always awkward, even if they do it right from the start. The only cure for this is experience. The first time you ever kiss a girl it’s going to be weird and you’re not going to do it very well. There is no amount of reading you can do that will prepare you though, you just have to learn what it’s supposed to feel like and become comfortable through experience.

If you need a crutch to facilitate kino, there are a lot of routines where physical contact is integral. Palm reading is a good choice, if you’re in to giving girls chick crack and can take yourself seriously while doing it. Another option is learning a few magic tricks, as there are a lot that involve placing something in a girl’s hand, or moving her hands around for any number of reasons — “Hold your hands out. …No, like this,” and you move them into the correct position.

If you suck at magic tricks go with “Do you like magic tricks?” Wait for them to say yes, then say “Okay, hold out your hands — No, with your palms up.” Then hold both her hands and look into her eyes. Pretty soon she’ll be wondering what the trick is, and you can just say something corny like “Love is the most powerful magic of all” or some shit. Make it cute and funny and completely transparent that you just wanted to hold her hands.

And of course, high fives. Always an easy go-to move. The trick is (for some reason I don’t understand) to look at the person’s elbow. You’ll never miss.

Don’t Be Needy

Not being needy is just a great rule for life, but it is especially relevant to kino. It’s easy to get way too excited about finally being able to touch a girl, and you just want to escalate, escalate, escalate. You haven’t touched a girl in forever, so you’re trying to get in as much contact as you can. You’re like a camel filling up on water at an oasis, and the girl will definitely pick up on this. Once she realizes that this is a novel experience for you, you’ll have exposed your low value, and she’ll be turned off.

Treat kino as an opportunity for push/pull. When you kiss her, be the one to break it off. End it while she’s still wanting more, talk for a while, and then kiss her again a few minutes later. This sends two messages; first that you’re not desperate for a little action, and second that you’re actually interested in her as a person. Every girl knows that you want to kiss her, what she’s hoping is that you’ll also want to talk to her after. So talk to her after.

The Magnetic Field of Physical Awesomeness

Think about standing close to each other as a form of kino. You will occasionally have some light bumps in to each other, and you can pick up a lot of cues based on how she responds to that. Does she move away so that you don’t accidentally touch again? Or does she stay right where she is?

You’ll also build a lot of sexual tension just by standing very close. Even without contact, she’s aware of your body’s presence, can feel the heat coming off you, and there’s a sort of tantric energy building between you. That’s the Magnetic Field of Physical Awesomeness.

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