The most common beta mindset is the idea that you suck, you life sucks, everything about you sucks, but if you just had the love of that one special girl, everything would be awesome. It could be just any girl, but often it’s one specific girl, a oneitis. What’s bizarre is that the oneitis isn’t even someone you have a casual relationship with. She’s practically a stranger. You’ve never gone out, you’ve probably never even talked. She may not know you even exist. Yet, you really like this girl.
You don’t really like her though. You can’t like her because you don’t even know her. You like what she represents in your head, and what she represents is the fix to every bad feeling you’re experiencing.
She won’t make you feel better though. There’s the practical fact that she’s never going to go out with you, so even if she could make your life better, she wouldn’t choose to. But she can’t do it anyways, and it would be unfair to her to expect her to. Girls are awesome, but they’re not magic.
The truth is that the only person who is going to make you feel good about yourself is you. When you become someone you like and learn to like that person, you will go from trying to find a woman who can fix your life to finding one to enjoy it with you.
Just Be Yourself They Said
Everything you’ve learned about women from movies, pop culture, your mom, and from girls telling you what they think they want — forget all of that. It’s wrong and bad and it’s why you’re not having any success.
Who hasn’t been told “Just be yourself?” The obvious problem is that you’ve been yourself. You’ve been yourself your whole life. It’s probably the only strategy you’ve tried, and obviously it isn’t working. The problem is that your self is not very attractive, so being yourself just isn’t going to cut it.
Does that mean to be fake? No. Not even close. You should always strive for authenticity. Being fake is incredibly unattractive.
Rather than being fake, you should improve yourself. Develop confidence, learn how social interactions function, get better instincts about women, exercise, improve your fashion sense, and just generally become a better, more attractive person. You are still being yourself, you’re just being your best self.
If you lift weights, do you just try to lift the amount you could lift when you started? No. You work on getting stronger so you can lift larger amounts. Is it inauthentic or fake to lift more than you could when you started? No. That’s how much you can really lift now. You’ve improved, you’ve grown. Your self has become a stronger self.
The Four Bs of Beta Strategy
Betas have four basic strategies when it comes to getting women to like them: Beg, Brag, Buy and Badger. You know what none of these strategies involves? Actually being an attractive guy she wants to be with. I’m going to go into two strategies a little more in depth.
Buying – This is the one you hear from your mom and movies. Buy her flowers and chocolates and take her out to nice dinners and Broadway shows. A few compliments won’t hurt either. Eventually, she’ll be so in debt to you that she’ll have no choice but to cave and love you! Nope. We all know this doesn’t work. She’ll take your stuff and then sleep with the guy she’s sexually attracted to. Even if you do get together, she’ll probably cheat, and you’ll be spending your money raising the kids of some other dude.
Bragging – This looks a lot like demonstrating high value, but it misses the mark. Betas often think they can argue their way into a girl’s heart. If only they can make their case, she’ll be convinced he’s attractive and finally go out with him. But, that’s not how attraction works. You can’t provide a logical reason for a girl to be attracted to you because attraction isn’t a logical choice.
The difference between bragging and demonstrating value is the difference between telling and showing. If you tell a girl that you’re funny, she’ll think you’re a loser. If she laughs at a joke, she’ll think you’re funny. Tell her that you have a lot of friends, and she’ll wonder why they aren’t with you now; invite her to hang out with you and your friends and she’ll think you’re a cool, popular guy.
Your Peers Want You to Fail
There’s a nasty little quirk of human psychology known as the fundamental attribution error. We have mistaken beliefs about why ours lives are the way they are, and why other people’s lives are the way they are. Under the fundamental attribution error, we believe that when we succeed it is because we are hard working, intelligent, virtuous people who deserve success; when we fail, it’s because we were cheated, had bad luck, or the game was rigged. With others it’s the opposite. When other succeed it’s because they’re lucky, privileged, or cheated; when they fail it’s because they were lazy, stupid, and had a bad attitude.
Your beta friends will have the mindset that they cannot get girls because life is unfair and it’s impossible, and the jocks just have some inherent genetic bonus and society places emphasis on all the wrong things. But, imagine if you went from being a beta to an alpha. It would mean that success is something you can control. Imagining that scares them, because if you become an alpha, it means they could, and the only reason why they haven’t is because they’re not doing the work to improve themselves. Rather than being excited to learn that it’s possible to get ahead in life, they’d rather be content knowing it’s not their fault they’re stuck where they are.
If You Thought Your Peers Were Rooting For You To Fail…
Realize that you can be your own worst enemy. All too often guys get in the way of their own success. Sometimes they refuse to recognize obvious advice when it’s sitting right in front of them. “I tried to kiss this girl, but her buying temp wasn’t up high enough. Where did I go wrong?” …Come on, man!
Other times though, they take it a step further and just do shit they know they shouldn’t. Girl flakes twice and you know you should move on? What does the beta do? He messages her again, just to try one last time. Then when she doesn’t get back to him, rather than moving on he sends her a pissy message.
Here’s a simple plan to follow when trying to figure out what to do. Ask yourself:
1. Is this a bad idea?
2. If it is a bad idea, don’t do it.
3. Seriously, don’t do that bad idea.
If you can just stop doing all the shit you know you shouldn’t be doing, you’re going to have a much happier, productive, sexy life.