15. Text Game

Text game is weird because the technology is new, and it’s changing rather quickly. And it’s not just the technology that changes, but how we socialize with it. Digital natives will have a different attitude towards texting than Gen X. What’s congruent to the personality of a 38 year old will not be the same as what works for an 18 year old. That said, I’m going to try to give advice which I think applies to most people and will keep on being good for years to come.

Good Text Game Relies on Good In-Person Game

If you want to be good at texting girls, you need to be good at talking to them in person. And yes, rAFCs, I can feel your collective frustration. I know, you wanted the secrets to good text game because you can never think of what to say in person, but on the phone girls can’t see how nervous you are, and you can go on AskSeddit and get advice for what to text, and you were hoping that there was some magical text game advice that would mean never having to learn how to talk to girls in person.


There are three reasons why good normal game is key to good text game. First, you just need to build up your experience and instincts when it comes to talking to girls. If you can’t learn to interpret what a girl is saying when you can see her facial expressions, her body language, and hear the tone of her voice, then you’re not going to be very good at figuring her out without the benefit of all those extra clues. Talking at a club is like walking through a minefield. Texting is like walking through a minefield blindfolded.

Second, like everything in pickup, texting is largely a numbers game. If you’re trying to figure out the perfect thing to text back to that one girl you’re after then you’ve already lost. You should be experimenting with different approaches for the five or ten girls you #closed over the week. And in order to get a lot of numbers to send texts to, you need to be good in the field.

Finally, everything you text will be read in the context of the girl’s impression of you when you met. If the girl just gave you her number hoping it would get you to leave and was intending on just ignoring you when you called later, then nothing you text is going to get you anywhere. She predetermined to flake, and you’re out of luck. But if you had a solid interaction and she’s looking forward to hearing from you, then your text game needs to only be to not say anything stupid and you’ll be fine.

A Note About the Numbers Game

Some guys view #closing as an end unto itself. If you’re very new to the game and working on getting your first number, or trying to figure out just how to get the words out without sounding like a moron, then that’s fine. But once you’ve gotten 10 or 20 numbers, you need to adopt Mystery’s philosophy that numbers are wood. They are, on their own, worthless.

If you walk up to a girl, chat for two minutes, and say “Hey, I have to get back to my friends, but I’d like to call you some time,” there’s a decent chance you’ll get her number. With the aid of a little bit of Red Bull and a lot of venue changing, in a single night it wouldn’t be that tough to get 10 numbers. And you’ll never hear back from any of them.

If you want to decrease your flake rate, the key isn’t good text game, but rather having a solid interaction with the girl before you get her number. Also, don’t immediately run away once you get her number (unless you’re actually leaving the venue), otherwise she might feel like you were just trying to be the cool dude who got some numbers, rather than actually being interested in her. Making her feel like just another notch on whatever you’re notching to keep score is a sure way to active her Anti Slut Defense.

A simple “Before I forget, let me get your number,” followed by another 5-10 minutes of conversation can do wonders for reducing your flake rate.

Why Does the Convo Die?

I’ve seen this a whole lot on the forums: You meet a girl, get her number, and then text her. She replies, you reply, and it goes back and forth more or less like a chat conversation for a while. And then the conversation just dies and she goes days without texting you back. How can she go from hot to cold so fast?

Do you have the friend or relative who will just not stop talking? If you answer their call, you know that you’re committing to be on the phone for at least an hour because they seem oblivious to the idea that you might have other shit to do with your time. Guess what, Mr. Text-Chatter, you’ve become that person.

She might have fun chatting with you that first time, but eventually she wants to get on with her life. When you text her the next day she’ll remember how much time you monopolized, and she doesn’t want to devote her whole afternoon to texting with you. So, she ignores you.

Limit yourself to no more than 3 messages with the girl per day, and you probably need to take a day or two off before texting her again. There’s no hard and fast rule, so you need to adjust the numbers a bit based on what you find working, but that’s a good baseline to start from, and certainly better than texting her 50 times a day every single day. The exception of course is if you’re actually in the process of making plans. If she texts back “Not sure where that is,” don’t be a shithead and not text back because you’re at your limit.

When to Text

You’ve met a girl, got her number, and now you’re wondering how long to wait until you text her. I take the same approach to this as I’ve used for knowing when to call her: When I want to.

The question really isn’t so much When, but Why. And that Why should almost always be to set up plans with her. Texting (or calling) just to chat is a sign that you’re bored and lonely. That’s not a great image to convey.

The big exception is that you should probably text her once either later that night or early the next day so that she’ll remember who you are.

A question I see a lot of is what to do if you get her number and then one (or both) of you aren’t available for a few weeks. How do you keep her interested in the interim? Unless you’ve already been out with her since your initial meeting, my advice is to not do anything. Wait until you’re back from your vacation or whatever, and then contact her. “I’m getting back in town tomorrow and have a serious craving for That Food Place.”

If you have been out with here, there’s really too many variables for generalized advice. Calibration, congruence, don’t screw shit up.

Phone Game vs. Text Game

Whether to call her or to text her really comes down to your style, what’s congruent for you, what you’re planning on saying, etc. So, there’s no real answer to whether you should call or text. What you need to know though is that calling is a more aggressive move.

These days people have shit for social skills and they tend to feel put on the spot when someone calls. This is true just as much for women. The phone rings and they think “Shit, I’m going to have to make sounds with my mouth! What do I do?!” So, calling a girl can make her very uncomfortable, which of course increases the chances that she won’t answer.

On the other hand, calling demonstrates that you’re not a wimp who is too afraid to pick up the phone and call a girl.

If you have good in-field game, this will be pretty obvious to you. If you go in guns blazing with a lot of teasing on a target who is smart and confident and can give it right back to you, you’re going to do pretty well. If you take the same approach with a girl who is very reserved, you’re just going to come across as an asshole. Same with phone vs. text, it’s all about knowing your target.


Yet again, congruence is king here. I write with full words, in full sentences, with full stops at the end. But, I’m also in a graduate writing program and have two articles published in academic journals, so it’d look stupid and incongruent for me to use text speak. Likewise, if you’re a freshman in college and try to emulate my writing style, you’re going to sound like you’ve got a stick up your ass. Do what feels natural, while also occasionally thinking about why you write the way you do, and what it conveys about you.

The Final Word

Stop trying to come up with the perfect text. The more you think about it, the more stressed you get, and the more likely you are to over complicate things and send a wholly inappropriate message. Just send the damn text and go do something productive with your time. Plus, the prefect text has nothing to do with the content of the text and everything to do with being sent by that incredibly charming guy she met a couple days ago.

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