This post probably isn’t going to be what you’re expecting. It’s not yet another lecture on how the game is about being process oriented rather than results oriented, even though that’s completely true. But, you should have heard that by now.
This also isn’t about how to get results, meaning it’s not some magic bullet, the one trick you need to get laid tonight, cure all unified theory of everything.
This post is about what sort of results you should be going for.
Getting laid, right? That’s the goal for a lot of guys. Or getting laid by a hot girl. Or getting a girlfriend. Lots of guys see these things as the result they’re aiming for, and along the way they have incremental results they want to achieve, things like learning to open, having a good rate of hooking sets, getting number closes, makeouts, D2s, etc.
That’s all well and good, but there is one result which I think encompasses all the others and which gets virtually no mention in the community these days.
That is the result to end all results.
You don’t want to have sex with the only girl out there who’s willing to have you. You don’t want your girlfriend to be the first person who’s ever tolerated you enough to stick around. What you want is to be in the position where you can turn someone down because they’re not right for you. Technically, any AFC out there can turn someone down, but I mean you want to be in the position where you can turn someone down and still have options remaining that you’re happy with.
Now I know what some of you are thinking, or at least what I’d be thinking if I was reading this: “That’s fine, Billy. But, I can’t even get one girl to like me, so what good does telling me I should be trying to get options do?”
If you go to a club and immediately latch on to the first set that hooks and are committed to taking it all the way with the girl you’re going to come across as desperate, creepy, and a bit of a loser. That’s because your goal was to just get laid and you’re not too terribly picky about who you have sex with. That mentality is going to bleed through to your words and actions, the girl will pick up on it, and then you’re going to get blown out.
Instead, you should be thinking about creating options. Okay, the set hooked, the girl is interested, if it’s still early in the evening, just get her number and say you want to meet up later that night but you need to get back to your friends or whatever. Then you go open another set, and surprise, this set is going to be easier because you’re (1) riding an emotional high, and (2) you’re not seeking their validation because you know if you get blown out you can just go back to that first set later.
Wash, rinse, repeat. Of course you don’t want the girls to see you ping-ponging between sets, so do actually go back to talk to your friends for a bit, but assuming you’re smart about things, over the course of an evening you can get yourself a few options.
Then you can build on that in two ways. First, you’ll have numbers from previous nights among your pool of options. Second, you’ll gain confidence in your ability to find someone else should you walk away from this set without any other options lined up yet.
Eventually you will make a choice, of course. Try to keep all the doors open for too long and eventually they’ll all be shut. You’ll get the timing down with enough experience, but a good rule of thumb is that before midnight you should be focusing on creating options, and after midnight you should start your choice process.
What too many guys are doing wrong is starting in that second phase. The moment they make an approach they’ve already made all the relevant choices. The ball is entirely in her court and all that’s left is for her to say Yes. Instead, you have to approach this as a series of decisions. Yes I want to approach, but I haven’t decided if I want to stay in the conversation. Yes, this girl is cool, I like talking to her, but I haven’t decided yet if I want to go home with her. Withhold your decisions until you’ve actually gotten to know her well enough to justify those decisions and you know what’ll happen? She’ll be more attracted to you. Surprise, girls want you to choose them because you actually like them, not because they’re available.