Don’t Know What To Say? Your Approach Plan Is Backwards

If you’ve ever been an AFC, then you’ve likely experienced this scenario:

You’re at a bar, you spot a cute girl who you’d like to approach, but oh no! You can’t think of anything to say! So, you sit there and try to come up with some sort of situational opener. And then 5 minutes pass, 10 minutes, a half hour, and now it’s going to be weird if you go up and approach because she’s seen you sitting there trying to think of something to say. She doesn’t want to talk to some creeper who’s spent the last half hour obsessing over what to say to her. So, you give up, go home and cry into your pillow.

If you find yourself hitting the “I don’t know what to say” wall, then your approach plan probably looks something like this:

Spot Target –> Think of Something to Say –> Open

You get hung up on the second step, so you do a Google search for pickup lines, you go to a forum (like this one) and ask for help, and you try to get a new approach plan:

Think of Something to Say –> Spot Target –> Open

Hey, much better plan, right? You won’t get blocked if you show up to the venue with a few openers in your backpack. Problem solved! And, for a lot of guys, this does actually solve the problem, at least for an evening or two until they need to think of new openers. If that system is working for you, awesome, stick with it.

But, some guys still find themselves blocked. They forget the openers, or once they’re out in the venue they seem to corny, incongruent, stupid, or out of context to work. Hm… go back to trying to think of a situational opener, stall, fail, go home, cry cry cry.

If this is the situation your find yourself in, I’m going to propose a different approach plan:

Spot Target –> Open –> Think of Something to Say

What? I must be crazy, right? Am I actually suggesting that you walk up to the target, make eye contact, open your mouth and have fully committed to the approach before you even have an idea of what to say?

Yes. Exactly that.

You know what’ll happen? You’ll probably say something. It’ll probably be stupid, the conversation will fall flat pretty quick, the girls will reject you, turn their backs to you and go back to talking to each other.

But you opened!

Remember, you need to be focused on the process. If your sticking point is that you’re not approaching because you can’t think of anything to say, this is the exercise you need. Get to the point where you can force yourself to walk up to a girl and say something. Once you have that down, then you can focus on saying something good. Break the skills down and work on them piece by piece instead of trying to master all parts at the same time.

And really, after a few crash and burns you’re going to start saying something moderately decent, like “Hey, you’re pretty, I’m Billy.” Not great, but is she going to stick around to hear the next thing you say? Absolutely. Now you’re striking out one line later into the conversation! Progress!

Hopefully that helps some of you, and for the more daring out there looking for some lulz, here’s an even weirder approach plan:

Open –> Spot Target –> Approach

“Roll Tide! YEAH! ROLL DAMN TIDE!” (Look around, spot target who is now looking at you.) “…Hey.”

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