This is more general advice for self improvement and getting the most out of your life, but having an exciting, dynamic, interesting life has never hurt anyone in getting girls, so it’s worthwhile to discuss here.
Imagine there’s a girl you’ve been out with a few times, and later this evening she’s going to come over to hang out (and then sexy times), and when she gets in and plops down on the couch, she’s going to ask “So what did you do today?”
(Without lying) Do you have a good answer? Is your answer one that’s going to make her want to listen to you and feel lucky for being in your life? Or is your answer immediately going to bring her mood down and increase the odds that later on you’re going to hear “Not tonight, I’m tired from work and not really in the mood”?
Now I don’t care that you don’t actually have a main squeeze and no one presently gives two shits about your day, I want you to pretend that at the end of every day someone is going to ask you that question. And you should have some answer. It doesn’t have to be pulling a golf ball out of the blowhole of a beached whale or trashing a chain coffee shop by crashing a piece of corporate art into it. But there should be something.
Today I read a bit of The Dead Zone, did some writing for a graphic novel, I cooked a turkey breast with orange chipotle glaze and bacon habanero guacamole (I’d never made the guac recipe before), and I watched The Rum Diaries. Not exactly painting the town red, but these experiences are cumulative. It’s like diet and exercise. Are you going to drop 15lbs of fat and gain 15lbs of muscle in one day? No. But if you keep at it day after day, eventually you develop a really good physique. If every day you find something interesting to do, it adds up and over time you develop an interesting personality and an exciting life.
There are thousands of possibilities to do something interesting every day. Some of them are small, like cooking an interesting recipe, but there’s always something you can be doing. How many museums are there in your city that you haven’t visited? How many memorials? If you live in New York have you been down to Battery Park? Seen the Alice in Wonderland statute in Central Park? Checked out the view of the Statue of Liberty on the Staten Island Ferry? If you can’t find something to do, you’re just not trying (especially true for anyone living in a major city).
Eliminate Rubbish Time
Rubbish Time is any time you spend not acting with purpose. Sunday afternoon you turn on the TV to watch some football. It’s not even the team you root for playing, it’s just two teams you don’t give a shit about, but you still watch just because it’s on. Then your team is on, so you watch three more hours of football, and hey, there’s a game on after that, so might as well watch it. And then there’s Monday night football tomorrow.
My roommate and I are both in the same grad program, and at one point in our first semester he asked how I had time to do so much extra reading outside of what was assigned for class. I’d read the first three Game of Thrones books, I re-read The Game, and there were a couple other books in the mix. The answer was pretty simple. Unlike him, I didn’t lose my entire weekend to watching football (he’d also spend Saturdays watching the college games). And, while he was sleeping in until 11:00am or noon, I was usually up around 7:00am getting shit done.
All that time you spend watching TV just because it’s on and you’re not going to bother thinking of something else to do, that’s Rubbish Time, and you need to eliminate it. No more 14 hour Jersey Shore marathons. When you’re sitting on the train on your commute to work, take your headphones off, stop playing Angry Birds, and do something productive with that time.
Rubbish Time vs. Down Time
I’m not saying that you can’t spend a few hours watching football or something else on TV, or playing video games, or whatever it is you do for fun. Recreation is just fine and dandy. It helps us to relax and maintain some sanity. Plus it’s fun, so there’s that. You just have to be conscious of what you’re doing.
The difference between Rubbish Time and Down Time is acting with purpose.
Block off a certain amount of time for unwinding and zoning out, but don’t let it consume your entire evening or entire weekend. You can zone out on the couch for half an hour after you come home from work and before you’re going to make dinner, but after dinner no more mindless zombie couch time, or mindless zombie Reddit time. You’ve had that time already, and you’ve still got a few more hours you can spend doing something interesting. Read a book. If you play guitar, work on that for a while. Go for a walk around your neighborhood (you know you need the exercise). Read the newspaper or SCOTUSBlog. When I watch a movie, it’s not to kill time but because I’m interested in writing and story telling, so I’m actively paying attention to what’s going on, the dialogue choices, the pacing. It’s not just what you’re doing, but whether you’re doing it with purpose.
How This Relates to Seduction
There’s the obvious connection that I started with: Being active makes you interesting, and interesting people are more attractive. That’s just the generalized idea that self-improvement always improves your game. There’s also the fact that you’re going to be out in the world more and thus have more chances to meet someone. But, eliminating Rubbish Time will improve your game in a far more direct way.
By eliminating Rubbish Time, you’re creating a habit of acting with purpose. This habit will propel your game forward. When you get to the club, are you going to hang out in the corner clutching your drink to your chest, standing with your friends on death row not approaching any women? Nope. That’s just mindless zombie club time, and that doesn’t fit in with your new habit of acting with purpose.
Instead of hanging back thinking to yourself “I don’t know what opener to use” your instinct will become “I’m here to chat up girls, there’s a girl, let’s go chat her up.” Approach Anxiety? Gone. Three Second Rule? You don’t even need it, it’s become completely internalized. Outcome Independence? You’ve got it in spades because your mind is focused on your purpose, approaching and taking action — it doesn’t have room to care about getting blown out.
You can’t just conjure that sort of purposeful power out of thin air on a Saturday night when you’ve spent the previous six nights as a lifeless mass on the couch. Purpose needs to become a habit, an all-the-time thing.