Half of single men aged 18-29 go a year or more without having sex.
That should come as a surprise. I mean, if you’re even slightly optimistic, you should think that HALF of guys not getting laid AT ALL is absurd! And I’m going to get into why this happens and what we can learn from the data, but first, let’s take a look at the actual numbers.
According to the 2010 National Survey of Sexual Healthy and Behavior, 56.9% of single men aged 18-24 did not have sex in the past year, nor did 46.6% of single men aged 25-29. Combining those two groups, a slight majority of single men aged 18-29 didn’t have sex in the past year. And to clarify, “single” in this study doesn’t mean unmarried, it means uncoupled, so it’s guys without any significant other.
29.2% of single guys aged 18-24 had sex more than once a month; 31.2% for the 25-29 age bracket.
10.2% of single guys aged 18-24 had sex more than once a week; 4.1% for the 25-29 age bracket.
2.2% of single guys aged 18-24 had sex 4 or more times a week; 0% for the 25-29 age bracket.
Why Is It This Way?
Surely most guys would like to get laid, so why aren’t they? I think it’s because most guys rely nearly exclusively on their social circle for meeting girls. In college that can work because you’re always taking new classes, meeting new people, there’s clubs, and you can get an open social circle with lots of new people coming into your life.
But then you leave college, you get a job. This is a whole lot of bad events conspiring against you. So, the first thing that happens is people move. If you move to another city your social circle just vanished. And even if you stay, lots of other people will be leaving and so your social circle is at least very diminished. But you’ve got a new circle, right? You’ve got your new coworkers and they each have their own social circle, so you can expand. …Except that rarely happens. The first obvious problem is that your work place is a lot smaller than college, probably smaller than most of your classes, so there’s just not many people. Then there’s a wider age variety, and you’re probably not going to be hanging out with your 50 year old coworker and his buddies. And your coworkers probably just have small social circles — theirs have diminished for the same reasons yours have.
But then there’s bars! Right? Guys can just go out to bars to meet women, so why are still half of guys not getting laid? Because when most guys go out to a bar, they’re there to hang out with their friends, not to actively sarge. Even if they are really only out to meet women and would rather stay in, and even if their friends likewise only came out with the hopes of meeting women, they still stay in their little conversation bubble and no one ventures out of it. They keep of the facade of “I’m out with my buddies,” and no one gets laid. [Note this can be different if you're going to oontz oontz clubs, your guy friends know what the deal is then.]
And of course a lot of guys just don’t have guy friends to go out drinking with. Maybe they’re too much into video games, they can’t afford it, their jobs suck all the life out of them, or they’ve partnered up and are staying in with the girlfriend. They don’t want to be the guy going to a bar by himself because of the stigma and because they have no idea what to do, so they stay at home and never meet anyone.
What To Do About This?
I don’t mean “how can we reverse this trend?” because fuck those guys, I don’t care if they get laid. I care if I get laid, and I care if you get laid. What I want to talk about is how to exploit the fact that these guys aren’t out meeting and seducing women.
Because these guys aren’t out there, almost as many women are going a year or more sexless! For single women 18-24, 50.8% didn’t have sex in the past year, and for 24-29 it’s 43.0%.
So the first thing you need to do is get it into your head that there’s a lot of women who want to be having sex but aren’t. Now, that doesn’t mean they’re going to be DTF the night you meet, it might still take 2-3 dates, but that should give you a lot more hope, and with it, a lot of confidence.
It’s easy to go out into the bar scene, see all the competition, get blown out, and think you’re never going to be able to compete in this environment. But, what I want you to take away from the numbers is that the world is your oyster. There’s far more options out there than you’re realizing, and because so many guys are staying at home, or going out and not approaching, simply by approaching you are miles ahead of (half of) the pack.
It’s also easy to get bogged down in all the pickup lingo and mumbo jumbo. Isolate, escalate, inner game, when to push and when to pull, rhythm 10-2, false time constraints, false take aways, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That’s all good to know, but not if it means when you get to the bar you’re too much into your own headspace. If you’re in decent shape (not a complete dough ball), well groomed, wearing nicely fitting clothes, and if you can approach and hold even a moderately interesting conversation, you’ve basically got every single thing in your toolbox that you need. All that other stuff just increases your chances, and you may need it in some ultracompetitive environments, but at the typical bar? Open a girl and you may well be the only guy to run competent game on her in a month. Or a year.